I WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT. OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did not die if you are wondering.

I drive to work only one day a week because I have to pick-up the kids and kill the environment. So two weeks ago I was driving to work.

Before heading into Manhattan, I paid the bridge toll that costs more than that dollar I paid a kid in third grade to buy a life. Once I paid the toll, I drove about another 20 kilometers and stopped for traffic. I’m only using the metric system from now on.

About ten seconds later, I looked up in my mirror and saw a white van just moments away from plowing into me like men plow each other at gay bars. 

I prayed for my life. Ha, ha, ha, of course I didn’t pray. I used my time to put my head against the head rest and then I pressed the brake harder thinking it would help me not slam into the person in front of me.  I don’t think pressing the brake did anything so I guess it’s like praying.

and....CRASH! The van slammed into me pretty hard. 

Strangely, I barely felt the impact even though the entire back of the car was smashed in. My car did get pushed into the guy in front of me but his car wasn’t damaged at all.  My front bumper had some damage.

Nobody had any passengers in their vehicles.

Everyone got out of their cars and didn’t say a word to each other for like 10 minutes. The other drivers were both men. Neither guy was thin or dressed well and one guy had not shaven. I was the Diana Ross of car accidents. 

We all took pictures of the crime scene and then I was like “Let me take a picture of you’ll insurance”….blah blah blah

This is the back of my car.

What you can't see from this picture is my hair still looked good. 

I blanked out my plates so my crazy fans can't find me.

The police arrived and the guy that hit everyone asked for an ambulance.  I don’t know why he requested an ambulance since he was walking around just fine for someone that slammed his head into a steering wheel.

The police officer was like "this is the best kind of accident". I'm like "yeah, it's not my fault". He's like "No, you're alive!!!"

 This is the van that hit me.

Thank goodness he didn't die or I would never have made it to work on time.

My car was still drivable so I took it home to an auto-body shop that I've used before. The owner is Italian.  I thought the car might be totaled but the next day insurance gave me a $11,000 check that I could use for anything I wanted!!!!